Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Wisconsin Cow Udder Cup

Allee Willis
Submitted by Allee Willis July 3rd, 2011
Certifikitsch Winner

As you read this, I’m boiling away in Kenosha, Wisconsin where I’m attending two friends’ wedding. Getting up at 4:30 AM to make the plane here didn’t make me the happiest of campers but at least I had the foresight to sip my barely-morning joe out of this udderly fantastic souvenir Wisconsin cup in attempts to enter the proper dairy state state of mind.

I have very fond feelings for Wisconsin as not only did I attend four stupendous years of college in Madison, but I returned there last September for my conducting debut.

If I had an inch to spare in my suitcase, always packed as if a natural disaster could hit at any moment and I could sustain myself for weeks despite the fact that I may only be gone for three days, I might have brought my Wisconsin cup.  But this is a brat and beer state and udders don’t exactly spew the latter.

Besides, the coffee at the Best Western, THE hotel in town, has been lukewarm every time I’ve  tried it, so it’s not worthy of swimming on top of the milking spouts. But speaking of swimming, the coffee machine is located in the lobby and that overlooks the pool, or should I say poo.

If it were winter, it would be nice to sit with a nice cup of coffee and ponder the meaning of ‘gister otel gues on y’.  But it’s summer, it’s hot and humid, and a steaming cup of the stuff is not what me-who-would-rather-have-air-conditioning-chips-inserted-into-her-body-than-sweat needs. Which means I’m just fine without my udder cup here in

One Response to “Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Wisconsin Cow Udder Cup”

  1. Avatar

    stubbleyou

    That poor little udder cup
    Porcelain udder cup
    Craving to hold moo and joe
    But still it’s an udder cup
    Poor empty udder cup
    Shouts “I’m an udder cup, yo!”

    Kenosha, Wisconsin
    Has no Howard Johnson
    So at the Best Western am I
    My overstuffed suitcase
    Has nary a spare space
    To tote little udder cup, sigh.

    The coffee here so sucks
    I looked for a Starbucks
    But Denny’s the best I could find
    The motel joe ain’t hot
    Dark French roast it ain’t not
    I think it is last Tuesday’s grind

    My poor little udder cup
    Porcelain udder cup
    Waits for me at the front door
    For fresh beans, cold water
    To drip like it oughta
    And kiss my a.m. lips once more!

    (apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)