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Fake Jan Day

Iamfluff Submitted by Iamfluff
December 31st, 2010
Certifikitsch WinnerClassique d' Camembert
Jealous

After consulting with Dennis who brought me into this wonderful world of Willis, I think it might be time to “out myself” a little. I want to explain Fake Jan Day and my true identity is bound to surface. I was a kid actor on a very popular TV Show and no, I do not make any money from it now.

Fake Jan Day is celebrated on January 2. (Jan 2 get it?) It is to honor the lovely and talented Geri Reischl who replaced Eve Plumb on the Brady Bunch Variety Hour. Now the BBVH is chock full of kischyness and extra kitschy, is the book written about it. It’s called “Love to Love You Bradys” and is available on Amazon.com. The BBVH was voted the fourth worst show in television history and the only puzzling thing about this is that there were actually three shows that the voters considered worse. That honor brought the show out of it’s closet of things were were all embarrassed by and lifted it into a lofty ideal of badness. All three of us Brady girls were replaced at one time or another (Yes, I am one of them) but it is fake Jan who has her own loyal and dedicated fans. Geri and I became reunited a few years ago at about the same time Ted Nicholson, Lisa Sutton and I began working on the book “Love to Love You Bradys”. One thing led to another and this fake holiday was born.

There are many traditions being formulated for this holiday. Tonight the three of us will be discussing Fake Jan Day on the Sheena Metal Show. The greatest tradition is the cheese ball. Cheeseballs are the official food of Fake Jan Day. Cheeseball competitions will be held in many households. The above photoshopped painting I did depicts Fake Jan herself, sacred cheese balls in hand descending from the heavens into New Jersey where she now lives with Fake Jim. (A couple of years ago she moved to Jersey to be with the front man of a Doors tribute band).

The following are guidelines for observing Fake Jan Day in accordance with the rules and regulations of the Fake Jan community. This is a young holiday and still growing. It’s observances are open to revision particularly from FJ herself. Here is a link to a video I edited together to give people a taste of all the horror that was the Brady Bunch Variety Hour.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfWvhXfY00E

Of course the BEST thing to do is to buy the book on Amazon.com

Official Facebook page
Fake Jan Day is celebrated on January 2. (Jan 2, = the second Jan)
The holiday was first declared by Lisa Sutton on January 2, 2008.
Cheese balls are the official food of Fake Jan Day. This was decided, again by Lisa Sutton during a Life Day celebration hosted by Yoda Penmark. Fake Jan was in attendance and declared it so as well. Life Day is any day that one chooses to gather friends to view the Star Wars Holiday Special (an appropriate alternative to BBVH on Fake Jan Day as both were penned by Bruce Vilanch)

Store bought cheese balls are perfectly fine. Amy Sedaris’ Little Smokey Cheese Balls are especially good. Although I’ve never had one, I am faithful that this is so because I like her and I worship her brother David. For those who wish to show more effort in their praise they may prepare their own cheese balls. The first cheese ball culinary competitions will be held on January 2, 2010.
Participants will be judged on taste and presentation. There need not be prizes for what greater gift is there than to show your love for Fake Jan by crafting a cheese ball in her honor?

Attire:
On Fake Jan Day, one must dress as a Jan (or Janet) of their liking. Janet Jackson, and Janet Leigh are good for the ladies. For men, Janet Reno is always an excellent choice and requires little effort.
An alternative costume is to dress as your favorite replacement character from any TV Show. The second Darren from Bewitched is an ever popular selection.
Other replicants:
Also from Bewitched: “Gladys Kravitz”. A less frequently discussed mid-series cast replacement. Actress, Alice Pearce, lost her battle with ovarian cancer during the show’s second season and passed away at age 48. Sandra Gould took her place.
Louise Tate (Larry’s wife on Bewitched) was first played by Irene Vernon, later by Kasey Rogers.

Raul Garcia who replaced Freddy Prinz after his suicide in “Chico and the Man”. The tastelessness of this replacement makes it an especially fun choice.
Also tasteless was the replacement of Pete Duel in “Alias Smith and Jones”.
Another creative choice is to dress as “Nobody” for that was the replacement for Cindy Williams as “Shirley” in” Laverne and Shirley”. For the final season, the show was still called Laverne and Shirley but there was no Shirley. Please note that the most effective way to resemble “nobody” is to wear nothing.
“Roseanne” had Fake Becky( who may have been the second best fake in the history of Television because they talked about it)
The Munsters: Marilyn Munster was played by two different actresses: Beverley Owen (in the first season) and Pat Priest (in the rest of the series). Nobody noticed.
The Brady Bunch: Obviously there are the other fake Bradys: Jennifer Runyon as Cindy and Leah Ayres as Marcia.
Fake Chris on “The Partridge Family”
There are many more choices. One is encouraged to Google throughout the year in anticipation of this holiday.

Additional Costume Idea:
One may recreate Fake Jan’s role of Dorothy in the Crispy Wheats and Raisins commercials. Donning the gingham dress and ruby slippers is ONLY PERMISSABLE ON MALES. Females do not have this option.They can, however, portray the Lion, Scarecrow and Tin Man. Men may not.

Entertainment:
Naturally, episodes of the Brady Hour are in order and rather essential. However, if unavailable, the “Star Wars Holiday Special” will suffice but only for one year. The following year, BBVH must be procured.
In addition, the work of Fake Jan which preceeded her canonization, may be viewed. “I Dismember Mama” is now available on DVD. “The Brotherhood Of Satan” may be harder to find but well worth the effort. Of course the evening’s entertainment should be liberally sprinkled with “Crispy Wheats and Raisins” commercials as well as her episodes of “Gunsmoke” and “Apple’s Way”.

Above all, photographs and other documentation of any celebration must be recorded and shared with the Fake Jan community. This may be done through Facebook, Myspace, Myface or Spacebook. Personal web sites, billboards, skywriting, megaphones and tribal drumming are also permissible. Some examples may be selected for use on Lovetoloveyoubradys.com

That is all for now. There will be many more rules and regulations in the coming centuries. Please have a safe and sane Fake Jan Day and a Happy New year too.


Categories: Celebrities, Certifikitsch Winners, Classique d' Camembert, Food, Hair, Holiday, Music, Party, People, Submissions, TV & Radio


Allee Willis Museum of Kitsch

12 Responses to “Fake Jan Day”

  1. Allee Willis Allee Willis says:

    First of all, all hail Jan!!

    Second of all, as if I wasn’t impressed enough at your insane cotton candy drink recipe (http://www.alleewillis.com/awmok/kitschenette/2010/12/30/plastic-cocktail-toys-and-flufftinis/) I’m bowled over that you have your own holiday. And even more bowled over that the word ‚Äúfake‚Äù is in it. Of course, I most bowled over that we have a Brady in our bunch here at AWMOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I love that Fake Jan Day is celebrated with cheese balls, one of my favorite foods on the planet. I love them in all shapes and forms, though sometimes I hate the kind of nuts that are used.

    The Brady Bunch Variety Hour deserves 17 Classique D’ Camemberts, the highest honor we present here at The Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch. I remember grabbing for the oxygen when I first saw it. I can’t even imagine what it was like to be in it!

    I am elated that you stumbled through the portals here at AWMOK. We have big plans for Jan Brady! I suggest everyone slug back a Fluffitini right now and toast our new arrival. I hope to have much fun with you here in 2011. I’m going to look for cheese ball recipes right now.

  2. BRBill BRBill says:

    ALL Hail Jan!! This post is definitely worthy of more than a few Camemberts and a great read here on this last day of the year. Thanks for the post….and can ya’ll please do something about our governor(state of Louisiana) who named himself after your brother Bobby?…like maybe send him to his room with no supper until he learns how to play well with others?…

  3. Iamfluff Iamfluff says:

    Oh Allee thank you! It is such an honor to be here! I wish I had an extra copy of the Love to Love You Bradys book to sign and send your way. I must do something about that. ;-) Yes, I will, I think you would appreciate it. Ted did an amazing job researching and writing it. My friend Lisa designed it and I wrote the side bars and did some of the grunt work as I used to be a graphic artist myself. There are a couple of little Photoshoppings I threw in too. Lisa and I had a much grander vision for a limited edition with a pop up center fold but in the end we had to be practical.
    I will keep you informed of the Cheeseball festivities. Last year there were two parties going on with cheese balls galore. I had cheese balls in the freezer till Summer! I never really follow recipes very much so I may not be able to recreate it but I made a desert cheese ball last year that I am still craving. I’m an erratic artist when it comes to food. I make something great, get praised for it, try it again and it’s terrible. I really ought to write things down but that just spoils the momentum. Fortunately I’m more disciplined in other areas. (… but not much)

    Happy New Year to All!!!!

    • windupkitty windupkitty says:

      i am so,so sorry that you had to be practical with the book….that is so unjust! you should have used golf clubs as hammers until publishers came along and showed you how to really do a pop-up book! holy crapamoly! i can’t even comment on your post….i am speechless and can not wait to read more about this very important holiday…..words can not express how much i love your turnpike jan painting……seriously, this needs to be on a USA coin or something..maybe a 3 dollar glitter coin the size of a standard 33 rpm lp!?

  4. denny denny says:

    This was an amazing post.

    I am eating cheese but it’s the flat, square kind. I am channeling “Fake Jan” as I eat it. Can that still count? It’s still cheese and I love cheese.

  5. Karen Karen says:

    Holy moly I am having a very brady meltdown right now! I knew this was a great site but to find out there are others who enjoy a good cheeseball….I am speechless!

  6. Karen Karen says:

    Oh my goodness thanks Allee. This recipe looks scrumptious. I have to try this. I am a big fan of pineapple.

  7. Nessa Nessa says:

    Oh wow!! Amazing. I don’t know how I have never heard this. I am sort of a “Jan” (+ my username!) So I guess I can dress as myself!

  8. Douglas Wood Douglas Wood says:

    Welcome to AWMoK! I confess I’m a huge fan of the BBVH, in fact for many years I had a clip from the show that I used to show friends involving a rollerskating slip (and subsequent laughter by a few of the cast members) that somehow didn’t get edited out. I just saw a brief glimpse of it in the montage link you provided. A great moment in TV history.

  9. razberries razberries says:

    going through Allee’s awesome archives and found this image and story featuring two of my favorite Brady’s :-) All Hail Fake Jan Day!

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