get_results($sql); if (count($rs)<1) // not yet added { $sql="insert into island_like (user_id, post_id, date_added) values (\"".mysql_real_escape_string($uid)."\", \"".mysql_real_escape_string(get_the_ID())."\", NOW());"; $rs = $wpdb->get_results($sql); } } elseif (!empty($_REQUEST['remove_like']) && !empty( $uid)) { // unset here $sql="delete from island_like where user_id=\"".mysql_real_escape_string($uid)."\" and post_id=\"".mysql_real_escape_string(get_the_ID())."\";"; $rs = $wpdb->get_results($sql); } /* $sql="select U.display_name, U.user_nicename, U.id as uid, if(U.id=\"".mysql_real_escape_string($uid)."\",1,0) as is_current, if (U.id=19, 1,0) as is_allee ". "from island_like as L, wp_users as U ". "where L.post_id=\"".mysql_real_escape_string(get_the_ID())."\" ". "and U.ID=L.user_id ". "order by is_current DESC, is_allee DESC, date_added DESC;"; $jealous_rs = $wpdb->get_results($sql); $user_is_jealous=0; if (count($jealous_rs)>0) { if ($jealous_rs[0]->uid==$uid) { $user_is_jealous=1; } }*/ ?>

Not-so-Pretty Baby

Submitted by Douglas Wood September 2nd, 2010
slug=='certifikitsch-winners') { $is_award=1; } if ($cat->slug=='classique-d-camembert-winners') { $is_gold_award=1; } if ($cat->slug=='love-is-in-the-hair-award-winners') { $is_hair=1; } } // true added because this table will now always exist - jealous button if ($is_award || $is_gold_award || $is_hair || true) { $admin_email_pop_coa=$admin_email_pop_cdc=$admin_email_pop_liith=""; if ( current_user_can('level_10') ) { $now=gmdate("Y-m-d H:i:s"); $key=sha1("A".$now."B"); $the_title=single_post_title("", false); ?> Send Certifikitsch Confirmation Email to: ".get_the_author_meta('display_name').""; $admin_email_pop_cdc="
Send Classique d' Camembert Confirmation Email to: ".get_the_author_meta('display_name').""; $admin_email_pop_liith="
Send Love Is In The Hair Confirmation Email to: ".get_the_author_meta('display_name').""; } echo "
"; if ($is_award) { echo ''; echo 'Certifikitsch Winner'.$admin_email_pop_coa; } if ($is_gold_award) { echo ''; echo 'Classique d Camembert'.$admin_email_pop_cdc; } if ($is_hair) { echo ''; echo 'Love Is In The Hair'.$admin_email_pop_liith; } /* if (empty($uid)) { $str="Click if you\\'re Jealous!
(You must be logged in to be Jealous.)"; } elseif ($user_is_jealous) { $str="You are Jealous of this Kitsch!"; } else { $str="Click if you\\'re Jealous!"; } if (empty($uid)) { echo 'Jealous'; } elseif ($user_is_jealous) { echo 'Jealous'; } else { echo 'Jealous'; } if (count($jealous_rs)>0) { echo "(".count($jealous_rs).")"; } */ echo "
\n\n"; } ?>

No, the photo below isn’t Brooke Shields during her well-documented post-partum depression, nor is it a mug-shot, it’s simply the plastic head of the model-actress from the 1982 “BROOKE SHIELDS – THE WORLD’S MOST GLAMOROUS TEENAGER” kit. Found this at a garage sale last week for $2.00, and when I got it home I discovered the box also contained a pair of heavy-duty hand-cuffs. I can only guess what strange fetish its previous owners engaged in.

Clearly, the not-so-glamorous Brooke Shields head and the photos pictured on the box are world’s apart. Gone is the luster from her well-coiffed hair, now thinning and patchy. Her skin is blotchy and smeared with make-up. This Brooke’s been around the block a few times and looks like she’s been on a crystal-meth bender.

From the box: “Includes everything you need to get Brooke ready for the movie set or a photo session. Apply makeup and wash it off. Hair is washable and easy to curl. Safe non-toxic cosmetics, beauty supplies and jewelry.” Also, “Includes a star-shaped necklace from BROOKE to you PLUS an autographed photo.” And, “Complete with Brooke’s jewelry, star-shaped compact with non-toxic cosmetics, brush, comb, 6 clip together rollers, 2 barrettes, 2 hair combs, sponges and 3 cosmetic applicators, all designed with Brooke’s star motif. Unfortunately, the box currently contains only one pink comb and one barrette. And the handcuffs.

One Response to “Not-so-Pretty Baby”

  1. Allee Willis

    Oh, what poor Brookie must have gone through with her handcuff wielding crystal meth owner! Such a bizarre artifact to find in the Brooke box, though as Brooke boxes go thank God this one cut off below the neck. I always like to see toys used but Brooke looks like she may have had to go beyond the call of duty.