The Kitsch Bomb

Submitted by Iamfluff May 12th, 2011
Certifikitsch Winner

A while back our friend, Denny sent me a surprise. Since it was a surprise I didn’t want to inquire “Hey where’s my surprise?” and when he didn’t hear from me thanking him, he assumed I hated it. Eventually we overcame these silly phobias and mutually revealed that the package had not arrived. We lamented it’s terrible fate and wondered what could have happened. Well last night it DID arrive but not without a little stop at Homeland Security!

It had a label that told it had been opened in Denver (probably at the airport all the conspiracy theorists go nuts over – the one with signs from the Illuminati)

Nice job wrapping it back up guys! F for effort!

But I can see why they would be suspicious. It was obviously a suitcase full of explosives targeting elderly women in the West.

A look inside revealed it’s sinister contents… It was a Kitsch BOMB!

Filled with items from the past. This Kitsch bomb was designed to remind it’s victims of a time when we didn’t have a Homeland Security. A time when airplanes did not pack people in like sardines but instead had lounges where you could play that nifty new video game, Pong. When you did not have to arrive three hours ahead of time to go through security, remove your shoes and get felt up to board your plane, when loved ones could see you off at the gate. When people came to this country because they loved it and wanted to make a life here, not to destroy it. Dangerous items indeed! Thank God for Homeland Security.

Thank you Denny I LOVE it!

4 Responses to “The Kitsch Bomb”

  1. Allee Willis

    OOh, I know how exciting those packages from Denny can be. I’m so happy that Homeland Security didn’t completely steal this or blow it up. They have no idea how powerful a kitsch bomb is!

    The repackaging job is insane. I wonder if any of the airport handlers pilfered something for themselves. My guess is they weren’t hip enough to know how hiply wonderful the contents was.

    Totally jealous you got that little suitcase But I know how cute you will look wearing it around so I will contain my jealousy.

    I can do one better than that Richard Simmons Tone & Sweat video as I’m having lunch with the man himself next Saturday at his house. (You know I wrote and produced his very first exercise LP, right?).

    That little Ferris wheel toy looks pretty nifty and I can’t look at that camera too long or I really will have to push the jealous button.

  2. denny

    OMG. I’m just seeing this post for the first time. Thank goodness this package wasn’t blown up, I would have plotzed!

    Being killed by Richard Simmons! Geez Michael, can you imagine?

    I love that Homeland security is now a part of awmok. What a story!